Yep, when you thought EA couldn’t get douchier with DLC extortion tactics and a shit console port for PC, they decide to pull their shit game from Steam. “How I buy shit game?”, you ask? Well, just head on over to their Origin service (Half ass Steam rip off).
Seriously, I feel SO BAD for developers of GOOD games who will now never tap into the massive potential sales to Steam users.
I don’t know if I’ll buy Battlefield 3 anymore, since it’s going to force me to use Origin, even if I get a copy from a brick and mortar store. Dice makes good stuff, even Bad Company 2 was alright for a console port.
I don’t know if I’ll get Alice anymore. And American McGee makes some of the best shit ever.
Maybe I’ll get that one for the Playstation.
As for DragonAge II, they can suck it.
I don’t trust Origin.
I don’t trust Direct2Drive.
I don’t trust ANY online distribution service.
Except for Steam.
Steam is VERY good to us.
Valve is VERY good to us.
Look at everything Steam and Valve does for you, and ask, do you think they’d betray you?
Now,
Look at everything EA has done.
You’re loving Steam right now aren’t you?
Dungeon Siege was a lot of fun. The goblins with the machineguns? Perfect.
Dungeon Siege II was also a lot of fun. My fiance and I used to play the coop for hours, hacking and slashing our way through the buggy DS2 universe. When we could get multiplayer on lan to work right, that is.
So now Dungeon Siege III is out. I downloaded the demo on Steam the other day. The limitation of the demo is you can’t save; so when you die, you have to start all over which isn’t a complaint.
Visually, the game looks great. I have an aging gaming rig based on the 680i platform, overclocked, with two 9800GT’s in SLI. While it’s old and a little slow, I can play most modern games without adverse effects. So based on my system, it worked great. It looked great. It played? OK well…not as much fun as DS2.
I want to like this game. I like this franchise a lot. That’s not what stuck in my craw…
It’s it’s resemblance to a console game that killed it for me. In fact, I started playing and said “what the fuck…” and sure enough when I checked the web site? Yes, another console port. It’s also available on the Xbox360 and the PS3. I rolled my eyes and thought, “Oh no, not another Dragon Age 2 because that was a fucking rag.” And here we are.
I’m not a console gamer, so when I see games are available for console, my outlook is shot before I even play them. It’s going to be coded to run on the lowest common denominator. It’s going to have less options for control customization. It’s going to have flashy anime-looking artwork. I’m sure there’s other things I’m not thinking of at the moment — but aren’t those things enough?
I’m not alone when I say; I’m sick of console ports creating a bad PC gaming experience. The market is what it is, and the market drives development and there’s nothing we can do about that. I’m already missing the days when games were written for the PC’s first, then they were ported to the consoles. The way things are moving right now, the PC-only game market is going to dwindle to a niche. It will be a bunch of diehards who refuse to give in to the console craze. I’ll see you there.
You have the option to play two characters: Cuntbag and Dickface. I don’t remember their names. See? I don’t remember their names. Hey, Square Enix? I don’t remember their names. That’s a hint. What I mean to say is that your characters aren’t memorable. Anyway, one is male and the other is female. Cuntbag glows and looks all magical and shit. I picked Dickface, he had armor, a sword and shield, but he looked like an anime reenactor exploded in Hot Topic and then tried to look upwards. Dickface did OK, until he was overwhelmed and my lack of understanding of special moves and gameplay got me killed. I didn’t feel like starting all over, so I uninstalled the demo. That was really anticlimactic, wasn’t it? Hey — those other sites write reviews. This is how it really went.
I really want to like this game, because I liked the previous two so much. If I spend the money, it’ll be because of that wishful thinking. It’s just setting myself up for another console port piece of junk that I’ll blow 8 hours of my life on and uninstall.
So, as you all know by now, we’re getting an exciting new installment to the Elder Scrolls Series.
If you’re not familiar with the series, it’s what you could call a FPS RPG game. The game gives you a bit of a background story, the rest is up to you. Your skills, your decisions, the order in which you’ll do quests if you choose to do so. The nice thing is that you can get into any of the games without having to have played the previous one. I recommend The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. You can purchase it in a GOTY pack that comes with some GLORIOUS expansions.
Back to the topic on hand. If you’ve played The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, you know how shitty it is compared to Morrowind.
The magic didn’t feel right, the environment didn’t feel right, the quests didn’t feel right, and the GOD DAMNED OBLIVION GATES EVERYWHERE. Seriously, they have a shit ton of them and they’re all rehashes of the first one. The Oblivion realm is fucking dreadful, and not because it was designed to feel dreadful, it’s because it’s shit. If you don’t know what an Oblivion Gate is, it’s a damned Gate that are scattered all around the world. Once you enter the gates, you are teleported to the most bland levels videogaming has to offer. The same basic layout, the same basic objective: Get to the top of the tower and remove a Sigil Stone to close the gate. Woopie. No scripts. No new action, no plot development. Nothing.
Seriously, some scripting would be freaking fabulous in Oblivion. So many times you’d get to see a really cool area and would want to know more about it’s history in reference to the lore of the game. Nope, you just kill and loot shit. You never get to find out anything about anything.
Luckily for us, Bethseda learned it’s lessons from Oblivion and gave us…this…this masterpiece…The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Honestly, I screamed like a little girl when the theme song started playing in a video where the game was revealed.
I screamed like a little girl when…THIS….WAS UNLEASHED…
I don’t know about you, but I’m preodering a collector’s edition.
So Microsoft’s E3 Press Conference was today. I watched the stream with the members of a certain image board. Well, what do you fucking know? It’s shit. I seriously expected something HUGE hidden under Microsoft’s sleeves.
What do they have to offer?
Bing: Search Engine the Videogame
Kinect
Halo 4: The Trilogy Continues! With more AutoAim!
Kinect.
Gears of War 3
Kinect.
Call of Dooty: ARCADE SHOOTAH! Press x to enter SUPER COOL SLOW MO MODE. Sit in corners with over powered weaponry!
Kinect
Minecraft Kinect: No mouse precision, no textures, no mods etc…
Kinect
Star Wars Kinect: Wave your hands around, scripted action everywhere, RAILS. The game takes you on a ride, and all you have to do is flail your limbs like an idiot.
Halo Combat Evolved HD: It’s a good game, but why the attention? Xbros want Call of Duty 6 and Halo 4 with fast paced hard core action!
Protoype 2: Seriously, you guys need to play the piece of shit the first game was.
Mass Effect 3: Lesbian Alien Sex! WITH KINECT FOR HARDCORE GAMERS! It’s called a microphone. You give voice recognition with a headset. You TWITS. What the **** is wrong with you.
At the end of the Conference
No one cheered.
No one clapped.
I can’t find the words to describe the shit storm that it caused.
Shit storm, shit storm everywhere.
Fanboys raving on messageboards.
Fanboys cursing the kinect.
Fanboys losing all faith in xbox, microsoft and videogames in general.
There’s just not enough words to describe it.
That’s it?
Now, I hate the xbox, but by god….I seriously expected some SERIOUS SHIT up Microsoft’s sleeve.
Instead we get something that’s SERIOUSLY SHIT.
I know this is serious shit when instead of posting “PS3 has no gaems lol”, people are posting, “Xbawks has no gaems lol…but seriously, I need some info before I buy a ps3 and sell this POS xbox” Or, “Hey, former Xbro here. I need some advice, I’m selling that shit and getting a ps3 and upgrading my computer. Here’s my specs…”
I dunno about you readers out there, but I’m totally excited about Microsoft’s best game.
Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster.
No, wait, don’t laugh, I’m serious here.
Tim Schaffer and Double Fine Productions, who brought us fine games such as Psychonauts, (Seriously, check that game out, it’s a ton of fun), are producing this game.
Here’s a link for you.
C is for Cookie, and that’s good enough for me.
So, is it just me? Or is Microsoft trying to emulate Nintendo by creating shovel ware and casual games for their system?
I mean, Nintendo made a shit ton of money that way, they found their niche, but does Microsoft seriously think they can shoe horn their way into Nintendo’s territory?
Speaking of Nintendo, they’re promising that people like YOU will enjoy what their new console will offer.
They promise hard core gamers will rejoice with their new technology.
That’s really exciting news right there!
I hope they add a good controller to their new console, because if you’ve played on the Nintendo 64 or the Gamecube, you know what a pain in the ass those controllers can be.
Here’s to hoping Sony and Nintendo lose the motion controllers and have a better presentation!
*Link to the Microsoft Conference will come as soon as it’s available*
Now, I know was only a beta, in which the developers are testing the game out and looking for some bugs they might have missed to iron out before the official game is released, but, Crysis 2 is a tremendous pile of shit. There was absolutely no way Crytek can fix this sad excuse for an FPS in time for an official release. But that’s okay isn’t it? Some of my favorite games have been shitty during beta, and shitty after the initial releas. They can always patch it right? No. No patch for you. You get the shit EA gives you and suffer.
If it wasn’t for people like Trendy, who like to benchmark their rigs on MAXIMUM EVERYTHING, trying to get at least 30 FPS on the infamous Crysis. Crysis, the game that will put the best gaming rigs to shame. The game was beautiful, the game play was excellent, and the eyeporn was delicious. It earned it’s respect and it’s rightful place in the PC gaming world. I don’t think many would disagree with me when I say that PC gamers put Crytek on the map. But then, Crytek returns the favor by dodeslarbing PC gamers around the world. How? By making a half assed port of a console game. Seriously, they can’t even deny it. It’s just so bad and obvious. I can honestly say, I was looking forward to how amazing Crysis 2 would be on the PC. I mean, look at Crysis 1. I found out it was multiplatform when I saw gameplay footage featuring Xbox 360 buttons on screen. Oh, the 360 is getting a port? Nope. PC is getting the port of the 360 version. Fuck. That. Shit.
Instead of a patch or a proper PC version, we get secret codes released via Facebook. Gee, I wonder what that could be? It doesn’t have the right amount of characters to fit into the Steam code redeemer. It doesn’t have the right amount of numbers to fit into the Playstation Network Store Code Redeemer. What’s that? Someone who put it into the Xbox Live? It’s a map pack? DLC?! It’s usually $10?! DLC ALREADY?! AND THEY HAVEN’T FIXED THE ISSUES WITH THE PC VERSION YET?!
Why Crysis 2 Sucks
1. No DX11 yet
2. No SLI yet
3. The Server browser is the most half assed piece of crap I have ever seen. You might as well be using VI.
4. Gamespy: I don’t need to argue a reason against this one.
5. The gameplay is fun, but it could benefit from more objectives, like in Enemy Territory. Camping a rotating point and deathmatch gets old fast.
6. The buttons on the main menu are like 50 pixels away from where your mouse has to be to select them. This is unacceptable even in a beta. The whole damned way the friends list is managed is completely broken.
Spend an hour trying to get a friend to add you, hoping the server doesn’t tell you that an error occurred, rendering you unable to add your friend again. Restart the game to refresh your Friends list. Continue the process until you get your friends added. Click directly in the center of the Invite Friend Button. Game selects Delete Friend instead. Friends deleted. Spend an hour trying to add your friends again.
7. The graphics are stunning, especially for DX9, but DX11 was promised. I want my fucking eyes to melt from how beautiful it is.
8. Graphic Options: Advanced, Gamer, Hardcore
Which one does what? Which is the best? Which one disables bloom but has 16x anisotropic filtering? Which one has everything but high detailed shadows? I guess I’ll just edit the config file…oh wait…
9. Locked Config files: The second reason why we buy games for PC instead of consoles.
10. Aim Assist. What the fuck. What’s the point of playing an FPS that aims for you? Then it’s just a damned interactive movie.
11. Mouse acceleration. Holy Shit. I can’t aim for shit in this game.
12. It’s a console port: that alone has me REFUSING to EVER buy. PRESS START TO BEGIN. Where is the start key? Shit, I must have an incompatible keyboard.
13. Who’s taking care of the anti cheat? It’s certainly not VAC, could it be Punk Buster? Douchebags, griefers and botters, and no one has admin privellages on their server to have them banned.
14. You shafted PC gamers. Don’t expect my money any time soon.
15. More shafting: DLC before fixing everything they fucked up.